Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
What then is time? If no one asks me, I know what it is. If I wish to explain it to him who asks, I do not know.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
If two things look the same, look for differences. If they look different, look for similarities.
In theory, there is no difference. In practice, there is.
Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.
People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.
History - what never happened described by someone who wasn't there
What's a "trice"? It's like a jiffy but with three wheels
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened
I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
.. we were trained to meet any new situation by reorganising; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illuson of progress
The time we have at our disposal every day is elastic; the passions that we feel expand it, those that we inspire contract it; and habit fills up what remains
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.
Only a genealogist thinks taking a step backwards is progress
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.
A TV remote is female: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.
Hammers are male: Because in the last 5000 years they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
The right thing to do is to do nothing, the place to do it is in a place of concealment and the time to do it is as often as possible.